Friday, October 7, 2011

Michaela Dempsey's Blog #12


  1. This is a really compelling topic! You did a great job in delving into the two opposing ideas of how the media is affecting teen girls. As far as suggestions, I would just offer up a few grammatical/sentence changes for more clarity in meaning.
    Pg.1, "Preg.rate among teen girls had been rapidly DECLINING ENDING in..." maybe- had been in rapid decline, ending in...
    Pg.3, "show shows" ?
    Pg.5, Beginning sentence of concluding paragraph is unclear, maybe different wording or use comma?
    -The only other thing that stuck out to me was how in the ending, you comment on the no. of pregnancies lessening to the present time, except you compare pregnancy statistics with birth statistics and this immediately makes me wonder if the thing that is really changing is possibly more pregnancies being terminated in current times.
    I really liked your essay and agree that all this media-effect on young people is worth considering the possible pros and cons.

  2. I thought that your essay was really well written. I liked how you used the shows teen mom and 16 and pregnant to prove your point, it made your reasoning and statements valid.